trust and control

Either way I'll talk about summer more in depth later this month. However I did learn a handful of things about myself over the last few months. 

1. I will be learning forever. 

Godddddddd why can't everything just be easy Now. I hate how my whole life I will be growing up. 

2. I am very impatient 

I used to be very patient. Maybe working with kids killed me a bit? I am working summer camps this whole week after all. Who knows. But I find myself always hoping for the next stage of life as I live in the present. 

3. I have super terrible trust issues 

This makes sense cuz if I even began to begin on the beginning of this. Stems from very terrible, horrible treatment from past friends. For the rest of my life I will lack a part of myself because someone decided to do god knows whatever fcuked up thing to me as entertainment or whatever other reason. Earlier I sent a text to someone that said "because of what they did to me they are ugly forever" and it really resonated. I wonder if I will think this way forever. 

Um I think 4. I have terrible horrible control issues 

I think I figured out the reason for this one a few days ago but k can't remember. Most of my realizations come when im high. I've had so many moments of just me being like oh fuck I am this way because of that. Lol. Anyways, I stopped functioning for a good two weeks- like yesterday cuz of something that happened like two months ago

5. All men are pigs by studio killers so true 

6. I am in the weird timeline. 

Everything is just so weird. I cant even start. It would kill everyone

Ok I gotta go gym before I get too lazy and then skip it then hate myself for skipping it 

Peac e!