unreasonable

i thought i never would do this but i want to share one of my diary entries (kind of diary cause by diary i mean i just write there every single word in my head at that moment)

sometimes i wonder, if i would be in an empty room, would i scream? would i cry, would i try to break out? or would i just sit there, waiting for an end of this clown show.

maybe my thoughts are crazy, unreasonable or even stupid, but isn't everything in this world quite crazy? we all the time say `everyone's unique`, but fear different. we say we can understand, help, but when it comes, we run away, we hide, ignore, escape, hoping that one moment it will just disappear. and after a patient wait, when it stays, we get mad. we should be mad at ourselves, for being unreasonable, but we get mad at the thing we were hiding from, telling them that they've wasted our time, we're being unreasonable. for the second time. in our ignorance and selfish thoughts, we break those safe promises we gave. we say `everyone's unique, it would be boring if everyone would be the same`, but then try your best to make everybody the same, because we can't tolerate differences, we try to gaslight, by saying `this is not what it meant` and it was not, because those promises were just stupid words once again just flying outside of your mouth.

promises make hopes, and hopes shatter harder than glass on concrete. but we forget that with hopes shatters someones life, a persons life. 

kinda sometimes i wish i could just turn off the brain for a minute or two. it just keeps playing something on and on for a countless amount of time. sometimes i wonder if im thinking even in my sleep? 

thats all for today, going to try to relax and keep calm, and not overthink any little detail, that happens to me. 

have an amazing day. remember to take care of yourself, alright?