i think i'm figuring life and loneliness out

but lately i've been giving it a lot of thought and came up with something that's been pretty nice actually

-- 

what i realised was that i'm so focused on my own loneliness that in some way, i become self centered. all i ever think about is how lonely i am, which gives me less time to care about the people near me. generally speaking, i don't act that nice to people if i feel like they don't care about me much. this goes both ways, as i now realise. me giving in small efforts to further a friendship and giving up when its not returned simply isn't enough

but caring about others also has another benefit, you kinda stop thinking about your loneliness. you think more about the people you love and it's nice in a way honestly

of course i've yet to find people i love that much, i've just been doing it with just about everyone i know but as mentioend earlier, i'm not that close to anyone but so far so good!

---

another thing that helps a lot is to be my own best friend. i often feel underappreciated, like no one really notices the effort i put into myself and the works i make across the mediums i have for expressing myself. but it struck me how shallow it is to only want friends so they can validate you, and even if it's not a bad thing necessarily, it definitly makes you a lot more miserable because most people probably don't realise just how much something simple as complimenting someone would mean to them

(on which note go appreciate someone and/or something they made if you're reading this)

---

on the minus side i've been less productive lately but hey, self care right?