Things I know now, things I hope to learn, and things I wish I knew.

I have a rather anxious personality. Because of this, I'm constantly on my toes in new situations, concerned I will make a fatal mistake that will ruin the rest of my life in some way. Reasonably, however, this is rarely the case. For instance, there are no mistakes I could possibly make in the grocery store that will permanently alter the course of my fate. This does not stop my mind from trembling at the thought of communicating with other people in places I have not been. Going on vacation is a new ring of hell for me, as it usually involves visiting places outside of my usual haunts. 

Even in situations where my actions could potentially cause issues, however, I have learned that there are rarely things that you could do that will ruin everything. There is never a pit so deep you cannot leave it. I am reminded of a time a few years ago when, while working on my family cattle farm, a series of unlikely events led to an entire reservoir of feed being dumped out. This could have potentially been a several hundred, or even thousand dollar mistake. Even still, I was able to salvage the feed that was still usable and it was fed to the animals as intended. Even a mistake such as this has a solution. 

In situations where I have broken a social convention through ineptitude or mistake, I have found that very few people will hold it against you, especially when you give them reason to be sympathetic. There was a time, quite recently, when I was visiting a different state than my own. Something that I had not realized, however, and that I still believe that I would have had no way of noticing, was that the public bathrooms in this state are on the opposite sides as they would be in my dear home. This led to many awkward situations, wherein I would visit the men's room, only to be greeted with some rather startled ladies. When this would happen, I would simply laugh, turn around, and say bashfully, "Oops! I'm very sorry, I could have sworn this was..." and shake my head, leaving. Visually showing embarrassment at a mistake puts others at ease, as they will typically feel sympathetic. Everyone has walked into the wrong bathroom from time to time, so they understand the awkwardness and can laugh it off. This example extends to many other parts of life, from having too little change at a checkout to dropping a loud object in a quiet place. Shrug it off, laugh, and change your behavior to compensate. Do not get caught up in punishing yourself.

I always found the advice of ignoring bullies to be incredibly unhelpful. Perhaps it is because I am prone to anger that leaves me numb, shaking, and speechless, but it is difficult to think straight when something cuts at your heart. At the same time, I would often feel foolish for allowing someone to make me angry or sad, especially when I could tell it was intentional. Here is what I have realized. People will say things that make you sad and angry, whether it is intentional or not, and you should be prepared to brush it off and keep going. No one can say or do anything that will remove your worth as a person. As an addendum, you should not feel ashamed if something upsets you. As a human being, it is normal to feel things such as this. The brain will release hormones as it pleases. Even the most trained monks feel emotional. The important part is what you will do with this anger or sadness. Get away from the instigator if possible, take some deep breaths, and think of something funny or pleasant to clear your head. I find it hard to stay angry when something makes me laugh.

A situation I have experienced where this came in handy was, aside from the entirety of middle through high school, clothes shopping. My body is strangely shaped, bizarrely feminine, and incredibly heavy. This makes clothing stores a toxic wasteland of body dysmorphia minefields. I can usually navigate it fairly smoothly, though, by knowing what I enjoy wearing and what looks good on me. In some cases, family members (or the occasional bold stranger!) will feel the need to comment on my choice of attire, whether it be negatively or positively. This can be frustrating, often distressing, and thoroughly unpleasant. 

With these two tools, I can make the "social game" much less terrifying, even as someone afraid of nearly everything. Someday I hope to grow out of the habit to jump at shadows, but until then, I remind myself that uncomfortable things happen to everyone, sympathy is powerful, and every situation is survivable.