sometimes i wonder waht happened to me
i was super fucken emo for a while then felt a lot better then summer came and so mcuh but so little shit happened like i started grinding val hella hella and then ended up meeting this guy with a nice voice and i have a voice fetish so i was like omg slayyyyyyyyyy nd got his disc and started talking nd everything and we talked for a whileeee and we played val a lot trogether like a lot a lot and he ended up being a super freak weirdo and i totally ghosted him like a fucking boss
then i played a lot with this other guy who had an even better voice but he was also soooo weird omg!!! and during that whole time i dont think i felt that emo or whatever but like now i dont have any carry or duo or anything and i ujst feel lso like
sick
of men idk
like men just make me so tired theyre so predictable theyre so ugly theyre so blagh theyre so ew oh m god ?
and now idk i dont feel depressed but i do feel so exhausted i dont feel present i dont feel like im completely there anymore... its so hard to describe it but like i lost face fat omf i looked at this tiktok of myself and literally could not believe it was me bc of how skinny my face got :Sob: which is not a bad thing but also i havent been eatinf more than 1 meal for these past few days help....?
so idk i just feel existential? in a way??? like i dont feel good at all i feel like right now i have no purpose in anything im doing and im just sitting here stimulating myself with whatever is fun; valorant, youtube, stream, tiktok, makeup, like what am i even doing right now? like actually what am i doing
i just want to sob it all off and jhust pretend that everything is gonna be okay eventhough i havent even started for college anything lmfidsfjkkjasdjkdsjkjksdjdskakjsdjsjk and like just tough it out and still be happy,,, idk
i justt want to cry like
super hard idk
and im so bored i need like atttention or smthg like edate idfk im so bored im sobribhdfjkhjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
and now im obsessed w this streamer goodness
my fantasy is that he finds me and chooses me to draw his emotes or sm shit and we end up being friends and i get to call him big bro he calls me lil sis and then maybe we play games together (only val cus my computer cant runanything else) but we get close and shit idk thats my fantasy as of now :3
everything just seems so pointless idk like wdym i have band camp literally today in 3 hours??? l0000000000000000000000l no way
i just dont feel like theres any consequences to my actions rn like i just cant nkjasdnjkasnkjoawneonjasadhbnsdnmsdmnmsdn
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