Realized

Haha 😄 you know what I realized today like right this moment. I know now why I hardly remember my childhood it was because the way mother raised me was good ya. But the way she did it was theating me. Ya 😅😅 me my sister and my mom were having a conversation right know about my sleeping problems and brought up how I used to stay up as a kid. She said "when she would stay up I would tell her you better wake up when I tell you to or I'm gonna Make you get up" she clarified that she would "beat me" if I did not. I love her i do I think alot of people would say that about their parent.

When having that conversation I had to try really hard not to cry as I'm trying this I'm still trying not to with her on the room hehe. She wonders why I am the way I am maybe it started with her.

I don't know my younger sister argude with me sometimes we are step siblings and she had it rough with her mom and dad so I try to be cautious with how I act around her and what I say which is hard when it seems like she couldn't give to shits what I'm going through I always say I'm done trying to be there for her but I just can't ignore her because then it my fault for pushing her and "messing" with her when I'm not I'm just done with everything. She would sometimes bring up how "emotionless I am or how strong I am" and I want to tell her I'm just better at hiding my emotions and anything I feel because my mother would call me "to sensitive" or tell me "don't be stupid" when I realize that again and again it hurts especially when it's only been me and her for most of 16 years.

It's not like and can talk to her about this stuff because she will just say "I've been through stuff like this hell I've been through worse" and I know she has she tells us little things but that shouldn't be how she responds.

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