[vent] tired

so i dont really know whats going on with me, i feel like im slowly fading away while at the same time just hurting others, i keep freezing in place just when i feel a little bit of stress, i cant help others in any way at all just because i keep freezing and not being able to do anything, i hate myself for that, i hate that i can't just talk to someone, tell them the same things i hear when i feel down and just make them feel better, no matter how much i try im never enough and probably i will never be enough, at first i can feel like im high, like everything is better than i actually think, but then the depressive episode hits me and i cant wake up from my bed, nothing matters when that happens and everything seems so blurry, my parents are constantly mad at me for being who i am and i cant do anything than just stare at them and not be able to say a thing