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idk if its cuz im about to start my period or im hungry but ive been feeling kinda....lonely??sad??funky i guess lol lately. i dont know how to place the feeling but its not happiness feeling or content feeling. I feel kinda alone like idk, im feeling dislikeable again. i really hate feeling this way like imposter syndrome/anxiety. That all my friends are friends with me out of pity or that being friends with me is hard because im not great at communicating like my texts come off as very dry or overly wordy cuz im terrified of coming off as mean or like i don't care. I wish i was better at talking to people. I can never seem to get past small talk thats all i can script for, i never know what is right to say in conversations when you're getting to know someone. I always end up coming off as either awkward, like i didn't want to be there, sad or mean/ intimidating. I cant help it talking to people is hard and scary and really tiering. I want to be friends with so many ppl but i don't know how so i end up self-isolating when i don't even try to so then i end up depressed.
I also have been feeling shitty cuz i need to study to get my GED and for some reason it's been so hard finding motivation to do so, like i want to get my GED but i have no motivation. I feel lazy and bad cuz i feel like the more this gets worse the more my life is slipping away from me. I see so many ppl my age getting jobs and being independent and it makes me feel so ashamed about myself cuz if everyone else can do it why can't i?? whats wrong with me??? Why can't normal things feel normal, why do i feel so anxious and scared to do things by myself. I just want to be normal and live my life but i also can't seem to not sabotage myself. i really want to fix this so i can be normal and happy.
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