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TW: su1c1d@l thoughts
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idk where else to post this because i don't wanna tell anyone in fear of spreading negative energy among my happy peers. however, i still wanna let this out because everything has felt so heavy and i feel like i can't function properly. i don't know why i'm still alive, no one in my family cares about me ever since my mom died. every waking day of my life has been "why am i born in this family?", " why am i still alive?", and "should i k1ll myself?" i don't know how to be happy because i keep thinking of the future that i want but ever since my mom died that future became a blur. i can't distract myself anytime longer. i don't know what to do.
there were times where i tried to end it all but i fail.
i loved my mom but i spent my entire life hating her because she was selfish and didn't take care of me like a mom would. when she died we weren't on good terms. i have no idea what to do with my life.
my friends and i are probably going to go on separate ways anytime soon. it kills me everytime i think about it because they're my only source of happiness.
i want to d1e haha.
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becca
talking about it helps so so much. you shouldnt feel like youre spreading negativity. i recommend telling a professional if you have access to one, theres plenty of websites and apps that will allow you to talk about it also. i used to have an app called metoo where people could just rant about stuff so it could be worth giving that a try.