i think ive come to a helpful conclusion that i should just back off instagram for a while.. at least, i shouldn’t be using the description to vent on in ways that really come off as nonsensical. while i don’t like saying this, for years i’ve not felt like i’ve had anyone in my physical life who understands me and who i can understand; i’ve had no sense of community or a real support system. i’ve had friends, but felt stranded anyway. moving to the opposite side of the country where suddenly being alt isn’t the norm definitely didn’t help much either. i supplemented this absence by leaning into an online audience on instagram, but every time is just left me feeling more anxious and alone and guilty than originally.. i’ll still post photos to my catch-all (mothdeathsymbolism), but i’m not gonna go into junk like i do in descriptions on my main. it’s funny too, because everyone’s life is far bigger than what captions of mine they do or do not read; i understand i’m a passing thought. but i myself can’t handle being seen like that; social media is never encompassing of me or you, no matter how much we desperately share in an attempt to make it an encompassing portrait. i tried that for so long, only to feel more lost and hopeless than ever. god, what a drag.
Trying to solve a problem