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i love sleeping. like a lot. really i do. but falling asleep, that's impossible. i always think about something. sometimes my thoughts go that far, that i cant control them anymore. its like they control me. also, i cant fall asleep without specific things. like my shark (stuffed animal), my blanket, or my heart pillow. and i don't think that's normal. but i cant help it idk. cant fall asleep without being in specific position, any other - doesn't work at all. plus, i cant relax. i kind of feel like worrying about everything all the time, no matter how important it is. and as i said - i cant help it. there's almost nothing that works. i sleep with headphones for like 2 or 3 months, so i cant sleep without them anymore too. i have to lay in bed for around 2 hours before i fall asleep. so i go to bed around 8- 9 pm to not fuck up my sleep schedule.
also something i wanted to write about. every night, when im almost falling asleep, you know when you're like almost sleeping but you're not, like 1 more minute and you will sleep, i suddenly feel like falling. i don't know how to explain it. just like you're falling from something really high yk, and then i flinch and like shake trying to hold onto something (my bed). and i wake up. i have no fucking idea why that happens and how to make that stop tbh.
and its like so strange, i just want that to stop, because i would fall asleep faster and i wouldn't stress out right before sleep.
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