Spy experience - Checkmate.

This man has been staying in my home for almost five months. In that time, he has worked one single day at a job that he did not go back to. He eats my food, makes a mess of my things, and worst yet, treats my family and animals with disrespect. He's an obnoxious jerk with a selfish disposition that would rather use whatever braincells he has that aren't poisoned by conspiracy news cites to make your life a living hell.

For the last three months, as soon as it became clear that he had no intention of leaving this "short term, likely two week" stay on my couch, I have been trying to find proof that would get the rest of my overly kind family to turn their backs on him. It was difficult. He was constantly talking to his friends on the phone, but it was always some loud political debate and never related to his living situation. He was rude and standoffish, but never said anything in front of anyone that could be considered actively mean. 

He was not a careful man, though. The other night, while he was on some joyride, he left his game console connected to a voice call with his friends, turned up so loud that anyone in the immediate area could hear them yelling about whatever shooter they were playing. After a few moments, though, his voice comes on. 

"Can I rant to you guys real quick?" He said in what I can only assume was meant to be a pitiful tone. His friends allowed him, and he begins his self declared rant. In between calling us selfish and mean for making it clear that he needed to move on soon, he said that we could "all go to hell for all [he] cares". I was appalled. THIS was how he was going to react to generosity? The food, the electricity, the CAR that was funded in part by my family. It all meant nothing to him? This was not simply an expression of anger. He had successfully shattered any semblance of anything resembling respect that I had for him with those words, all because he was too careless to be sure I could not hear his words.

It wasn't proof, though. I had no record apart from my word. 

I was worried I would need to wait quite a time until he said something else in this vein, but as luck would have it, I only needed to wait until yesterday. 

My family left on an errand run while I stayed behind, sitting in my room and working on my personal projects. He, thinking he was alone and not bothering to check, once again joined his friends in their call lobby and once again asked for their permission to rant.

What came out of his mouth was a plan to have himself legally tied to my family in a way where we would need to take him to court to have him removed. He outlined the steps he needed to take and the timetable he had to take them. He continued in this fashion, occasionally insulting my family and our mutual friend, until he decided it was time to play his game.

What he failed to realize, however, was that his conversation had more listeners than he assumed. I, camped in my bedroom with my phone on record, had captured every word of his disgusting plot. I had proof of his plan to suck every drop of goodwill from us and sink us into legal debt. Twenty minutes of his mission statement on tape. It took less time than that to have it downloaded to several backups and sent to my family. They were shocked by his words. Even our mutual friend feels betrayed, a difficult task considering the scale of forgiveness he is capable of. 

He has 15 days to move out or we will make him move out. He loses. I win.