exhaustion.

there was this one guy. we were texting like in February of 2020. like a looong time ago. so we kind of `dated`. then we broke up. whatever. so after that i didn't see him for around 1 year and a half. he was the guy who would drain me out completely. this was how our relationships were like. they were tiring. so as i go to the same school as him it was easy to bump into him few times in a day. then the staring started. he was everywhere and every time i would see him he would stare me right into my eyes. everybody around me would talk about it + i would overthink it every night and get no sleep. this wasn't like `yeah, he did that for week, everybody talked about it and that's all` it all continued for months, around 4 or 5 months to be exact. some days i would see him after every class. it was really exhausting. and then was a peak for me and my emotional stability. he wasn't in school for a week. and for once i felt safe going to school. it was Friday i remember. and i was thinking `well its Friday, there's no point for him to come to the school on last day in week. right?` my mom gave me ride to school, i was opening door and i saw him. yk what happened? i started crying and shaking. i don't wanna think about it anymore, so im writing it down now. i was crying and shaking. i never cry in public, like never. that is showing how much this was hard for me, how much pressure was coming from him and how much he was draining me out. he would remind of himself everywhere where i looked. i had a full on panic attack because of him. i don't think he ever understood how scared i was of him, and i was. the only thing he made me feel was huge anxiety, i didn't want to go to school or go out anywhere.