rearview

All I can think looking back is I never enjoyed this enough.

I've felt for a long time that everything I look forward to will be a little disappointing. Things will be inconvenient, you will feel uncomfortable or overstimulated or hangry or whatever. Living through the little events I keep myself going for- it's always a bit of a letdown.

Everything is disappointing.

But then a few years pass and you miss it. You wish you'd enjoyed it. You feel old and lonely and even more disappointed. 

I can feel both these things right? Wanting to be realistic about reality and wanting to be more positive?