My Apologies

The last time we saw each other face to face, I was in chains. I had been collared, tamed. I couldn’t even hug you without consent from the woman who held me. I did anyway and though I was lashed for it, I regret nothing. If I had been then what I am now, we would have had more, I’m certain. But that day, among the flowers and the green, at least we were together. It’s more than we have now. 

I had much then that I don’t have anymore. I miss your love, your touch, your naïveté. That, at least, we shared and there was a magic to it. With it and your belief combined, I could see things not as they were, but as they almost were. We were almost happy. We were almost free. 

We watched the children as they played together, sat beside my nursing mother. I laid my head on your shoulder. I miss that. And I miss the way you’d hold my hand, tell me not to leave. I swear, once, we had everything. 

Every single day, I regret my actions. I was a coward and it sent reverberations throughout our lives. It was because I ran away that I wasn’t with you during your hardest times, love. I wasn’t around anymore to strengthen our bond and solidify our love however naive it was. My most grievous regret is that I wasn’t around to protect you and to let you protect me. 

Forever yours, Hypatia