Ages 7-9

After we we're returned to my mother, we spent a lot of time traveling back and forth over state lines to visit my dad. He moved three or four different houses while he lived in the Seattle/Bellevue area. Each one nicer than the last.  In the end he ended up moving back to our home in the trailer park, and mom got her own apartment, in a location she refused to reveal to him for a few months. Sometime in the second grade, Elle and I contracted scabies. Another girl in my class got it as well but there really was no saying as to how it was contracted or who patient 0 was. I had an extreme allergic reaction to the medication we were given for the infection, and ended up getting high as balls for the first time at the ripe age of seven. Weird period of time...

I spent a lot of those weekends at my dads, up late at night, and wondering if I had hugged or kissed my mom goodbye. Did I tell her I love her? I think that was around the time I started having those super vivid nightmares, and I am only now realizing that while writing this...

Dad also began a habit of throwing his phone when he was angry and breaking it. One time he even threw one directly at Elle's head. We had done something to upset him, probably something as simple as not cleaning our room. He was on th e phone with my mom I think, and threatening to throw all our things away, Elle was physically shaking from fear or anxiety, not really sure. She audibly said out loud to "Stop" hoping that her body tremors would subside. They didn't, and dad mistook this as her asking him to stop screaming, and chucked the phone square at her head, and narrowly missing her.

This was also the time dads body pains became more prevalent. See, he had broken his neck at the age of 18 while doing a roofing job. Dad was always in pain but it wasn't until the constant headaches kept him in bed that I really noticed it as a kid. He also used to have episodes with low blood sugar I think, but I have one vague memory of that and am unsure what that was even about.

My memories seemed to have been being repressed from a young age. Because I remember that the first time I met my grandmother, was actually not the first at all. I had a lot of interactions with her in previous years. I simply did not remember her at 7 years old. How bizzare.

We played a lot of Play Station 2 at moms. Mortal Kombat, Guitar Hero, Tony Hawks American Wasteland, etc. At dad's on the other hand, lots of Gamecube. Mostly Mario games. Some Harvest Moon as well as Animal Crossing. Those were simpler times. Mom also kind of fell deep into World Of Warcraft around this time. And while she did make sure we were fed, and help us with homework, get us to school, etc. She was kind of checked out. We rarely did anything with her anymore. I remember not letting my siblings even enter the living room on Friday nights because that's when mom and I would watch Ghost Whisperer and it's the only quality time I got with her.

Dad spent all of the divorce doing his best to turn us against our mother, out of hopes we would choose for him to have custody. The funny thing being that he didn't even want us. He just didn't want our mom to have us. She gave him everything he wanted in the divorce. She just wanted her kids. And even then that wasn't enough. He employed Elle to steal things from my mom to bring to him just so she couldn't have it.

I must've been so confused and torn between the two. I know that it was around 3rd grade that I started being disruptive in class. One day, when I was pulled aside to discuss my behavior, I remember telling the teacher that I would not be finishing out the school year with them. It was only a couple weeks later that my mom moved us back to the town I was born in, and my dad once again chose to move 4+ hours away from us. I didn't see my dad a whole lot during that time. We we're living with my Aunt Leah. She was a great woman. I remember little instances from living with her but nothing monumental enough to share here.

I started going to a school all my other siblings had gone to. I guess the counselor knew my family well because she recognized me immediately by my last name. I spent a lot of time in her office with her as opposed to outside for recess, which speaks volumes in retrospect. I was finally able to make friends at this school. I had my first sleep over. I think I was doing pretty well in school as well. Since about 2nd grade, I was pretty bad about doing my homework, but mom always got me to do it. I don't think I had that issue at this school. I remember even during popcorn reading I would often be caught reading far ahead of everyone in the class. However, before I knew it, the school year ended and my mom had made the decision to move us down south to be closer to her brother and parents. Everything I had build was suddenly taken away from me.

It comes as no surprise that in this new town, in a new school, I had a hard time making friends, and distinguishing the good from the bad. The first person I was acquainted with was Kayla. I didn't much like her at first. She was appointed to give me a tour of the school and make me feel welcome. I took a liking to a girl in a neighboring class named Penny. She was cool enough but for some reason before 4th grade was even up, we had some sort of falling out and didn't talk as much. Around that time I started hanging out with a girl named Anna, but overtime grew way closer to Kayla. I had a hard time keeping and maintaining friendships, and was overall becoming more and more closed off. I was a kid with abandonment issues, no idea how to form meaningful relationships, and over all, absolutely begging for attention. It's honestly no wonder the following years went in the direction they did. I just wish I was able to go back and change them...

~Onyx~