rating all my crushes ive had this year: 11th grade edition

TLDR: im an incel who needs psychological help

Side note, I have BPD and attachment issues, so im gonna go out on a limb here and say that these were just obsessions about the idea of these people, and not in fact crushes lmao

Jewish Boy: 8/10

This mf had me absolutely geeking at the sight of him, every single day. I was obsessed with him for months, but it was pretty valid. He was cute, knew how to banter with me, and let me come to his classes with him. Made 4th period a hell of a lot more fun. Hypothetically, if he asked me for anything, I would drop down and thank the lord

cons:

-every girl he breathed next to was on a hit list

-my entire life revolved around him

-twitter user

-wouldn't let me paint his nails

-out of my league

- I was boring when sober

Tall, Hot, Lesbian: 9.5/10

Perfect human in every way. Beautiful, kind, witty, and cool. I didn't think I liked them until I saw them interact with one of their friends, and boy was I salty as a mf. My wingman, Z, was my ultimate supporter in my pursuit of them, and im glad he was. I always hated physical touch, but they were the only one that I ever let hug me and for some reason I was okay with them.

cons:

-we're both bottoms

-stepmom scares me

-their friends hate me

-I was too high to remember anything we did together

Man Whore: 1/10

Very quick to start and end, and honestly I dodged a FATTTT fucking bullet. Not only was he a Ray Pissed, he was also communal dick. He was pretty though, physically speaking. I was in fact ghosted after he saw my face, but uh, at least im not on a list. 

cons:

-everything under the sun 

Blondie: 6/10

Gender envy at its finest. They coincidentally shared the same class with Jewish Boy and I, and during that time I just liked whoever gave me more attention that day. When I'm high, I tend to want to hold people's hands because it keeps me from derealizing, and they let me hold theirs, as well as gave me their coat to wear because I like to dress like a whore in the middle of winter. Everything about them was cool; the way they dressed, the sketchbook they always carried around, the cigs they smoked, and the fact they were the only amab person to treat me like I was my own person. 

way better as friends though, I think

cons:

- I was only fun when I wasn't sober

- WAYYY outta my league

- better as friends

- they for the streets

And finally, 

Jesus Lover: 9/10

This one was weird. We shared math and I had never talked to him until a month before the school year ended, but I ended up getting super attached. He's the complete opposite of me and the type I usually go for, so I was taken aback. Our interactions were brief, but one of the best days I had in school was when we skipped math because of a test we had, went to get boba that he paid for, sat in the shop, just talking for like an hour and a half. Still kind of sad nothing happened between us, but best believe next year I will make it my mission to have this mf grovel at my feet.

he also came into school on the last day wearing all black and got his ears pierced. I had a mini heart attack I swear to god

cons:

-astoundingly straight

-out of my league

- i think i owe him 40 dollars

-complained about having skinny wrists and wanted to compare wrists

-once again, I was never fun when I was sober

Overall, I think I need to stop making my happiness dependent on other people