I remember back when I was younger and into roleplay, making characters and all that.

I remember making all sorts of characters back in the day, some good, some bad.

I had a bit of imagination, something I wish I had put more of an effort to grow. I did manage to make some pieces that I am still quite proud of.

I would go into some Discord roleplay servers and start messing around, making some characters and writing some stories, all that stuff. I wasn't the best, but it was a fun time.

My first smash hit of a character was a simple one. It was a simple TV head in a fancy suit. The idea behind it was it would go around, absorbing the personality quirks of others, gradually building up into its own thing. I was proud of that idea, but it didn't really stick for long.

The next evolution of this character would be where I started taking inspiration from other characters, specifically Metatton from Undertale. A bold, self centered business man with a fashion sense, this was the most fun incarnation of them. People seemed to like it, and I did too. It really is one of my favourites.

Unfortunately while I was capable of writing somewhat decent characters, I wasn't as capable as writing them into stories, at least how I saw them.

This example of a character was suave, confident, able to sway people to get what they wanted, while being a hopeless romantic. Fun trope lol. Well, aside from a hopeless romantic, I was none of those things, and I fumbled trying to write them down how I wanted them.

It was fun at first, I was even able to write down some cohesive lore with them with other people, even having a whole background around this character, though I really only planted the seed. Other people nurtured that sprout and made it more than I could ever hope to do on my own. I'm really grateful for that, I cannot thank those who helped me with it enough.

Over time though, my standards began to grow higher and higher. I thought I was able to improve, and I was, ever so slightly over time. Unfortunately, while others were able to grow a beautiful forest out of a few seedlings in their head, I only managed to scorch my soil, until nothing could grow anymore.

I couldn't even force myself to get any sort of garbage out. People would tell me "Oh, just write the first thing that comes to your mind,"

I attempted to do so, but my mind would go completely blank. Nothing but a dark void, nothing I could spit out. I would try my best, but I would just become an obstacle to others trying to tell a story, something they had to work around. And anything that I could get out on any rare occasion, I hated. It did not live to my standard.

I would think to myself "Come on, I can do better than this, why aren't I doing better? Just think, why can't I think?"

it became a little miserable, and I just dropped the whole roleplaying hobby entirely. The land had long been scorched, and many attempts to plant any seed afterwards would result in another charred sprout.

A bit of a dramatic explanation, but it's how I felt at the time. I've never really considered getting back into it since. It is a shame, I feel as though my mind had some potential then. It feels like I wasted it.

Well, it's been a few years since I last thought about doing anything with any of my characters. I still like them, but I feel as though they're getting a little dated.

Maybe I can revamp them a little, give them a little more flavour or style. Like old times.

Besides, I think the fashionista machine could use an update. Hasn't been online in a while.

I apologize if this is incoherent at all. I should probably stop writing these late at night lol.