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i just realised two seconds ago that i don't replace broken things or don't bother to fix things like my phone/laptop, old clothes etc. because i never expect myself to keep going for much longer. 'it's not worth it, i won't be using it for much longer anyway' what?? who said that? this implies that i seek for replacement of said thing but i don't want to put effort/money into it because 1. i'm not worth it and 2. i'll die soon either way
acceptance of death, once again
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Hamed M.
Hi, I can relate to what you said, since i spent most of my late highschool, and most of my collage years thinking about the same idea " why to bother doing anything to myself, if i'm going away anyway ", to give more details, I suffered from depression and anxiety most of those days.
so i didn't replace my phone that i bought back in late 2016 till late 2021, barely bought any new clothes, as i was to focusing on my mental health issues, more than caring about my own overall health, my appearance and most of all expressing myself.
that even my siblings thought i was a cheapskate and bought me some "modern stylish shirts for my own age" while i was just not in the mood.
through lockdown, i started to discover more about self care, expressing ourselves through things like clothes, writing journals of our days and mood, mindfulness ( to try to meditate on something, think about how to accept/change it and reach peace with it).
So i started to search for the beautiful things i can do to myself, to enjoy life, because if life is going to end anyway, why not enjoy it?
i went to buy clothes that represents my mood, if i was in a good one, lets go for lighter colors, if i was in a bad mood i go for darker colors, and if it was an energetic one i go for rgb, write more in my journal things about how i felt today( i use the blog entry here and make it a diary option to not make it public).
I decided to explore more movies, learn history and literature, books the stuff that lets you get to know more about your own culture,world and most importantly self.
I picked up new hobby to try my best to make it replace my bad habits, which was crochet, instead of anxiety and overthinking, i decided to minimize my reach to toxic social media platforms, replace them with ones that doesn't control me with the algorithms and with blogs i like to read from instead.
tbh, life now is not all spring for me, i still get into bad moods, sometimes serious ones, but i try to think about the other half, try to reach the balance of my own soul, it's worth trying to feel all the cool stuff we can witness.
wish you the best.