Days like today

There are days where I feel as though the walls are caving in on me, days where my heart aches and an overwhelming feeling of doom swallows me whole. On days like that I wish for nothing but to lay in my bed and cry until my tears turn to blood. I wish to lay until the sheets of my bed cling to my skin and slowly become one with my body. I wish that I could control my emotions like most people but I can't. I'm stuck in a never ending cycle of feeling everything or feeling nothing and I fear that I'm not in control. Every day feels like a game of Russian roulette ; will my emotions control me or will I be able to control my emotions? Unfortunately for me the answer tends to be that my emotions control me. I do try to think positively most of the time but there's always this void that cannot be satisfied, It's always there waiting to suck up all of my emotions and leave me feeling empty and hollow. I don't know why I feel like this; perhaps it's a result of something traumatic that happened in my childhood or it's just the way that my brain is wired or maybe I'm being punished for some heinous crime I committed in my past life or something. I should probably talk to someone about the way I feel and the thoughts I have but who would care? For now all I can do is write these silly little blogs and hope for the best.