Who Am I?

For as long as I can remember I've always wondered what it would be like to be the girl with the bright blue eyes and the golden blonde hair that glistens in the sunlight, the girl that never has to think twice about what she does in case someone calls her weird or stupid or violently tells her to shut up. The girl that can easily get the attention of everyone in the room without even trying. Unfortunately, I am not that girl and I doubt that I ever will be. My eyes are whiskey coloured and my hair is the colour of a starless night; it doesn't sway in the wind or fall inches below my back instead my hair hovers around my head in tight coils like a dark halo. When I walk into the room the attention doesn't naturally gravitate towards me and I overthink everything from the way I talk to the way I walk. I've longed to be the girl that's loved and adored by everyone. For years I've tried to change the way I talk, the way I think and the way I act just to be liked by people that don't give a damn about me. I've altered my personality so many times that I barely know what to say when someone asks me to "describe myself". Despite my constant attempts to better myself and present myself as a person that everyone can like and get along with, at the end of day I stare at myself in the mirror unable to recognise the person I have become. My reflection seems strange and foreign; when I blink ,my reflection does too and yet I struggle to believe that we are the same. Who have I become? What happened to the carefree girl I used to be? The girl that wouldn't think twice before doing anything , the girl that had enough confidence to do and say whatever she wanted. I wish I knew where she went and why she left. The more I stare at "myself" in the mirror, the bigger the urge to tug at my skin and slowly peel back my flesh until I am nothing but muscle and blood. Perhaps under all the skin I will be able to find my old self but I fear she's too far gone. I'm losing myself.