visit from the boogie man

as a kid i used to get really bad really vivid chronic nightmares. it sucked! also came with sleep paralysis which sucked even worse but thankfully i haven't had sleep paralysis in a long while!! all these came from 1) being on the internet at a young age with no parental control and 2) my older siblings and cousins would often show me scary movies and send me scary videos when i was like 6-10 (idk the age i can't remember my childhood) so ya that scarred me :)))))

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anyways back to my nightmare i tend to only get nightmares when i'm sad or stressed and usually they are in a form of some loop. being chased, feeling stuck all along those themes of a seemingly simple solution that i just can't do or figure out.

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another side tangent my mother is pretty spiritual and so is my grandmother it stems a lot from our greek culture but it's not exclusive to it. So they both go deep into like analyzing dreams and what they mean and my mom would always sit me down and ask me about what i dreamt about so she could tell me what they meant! idk cool thing and now i know a lot about dream patterns lol

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dreams are very literal and i like literal because i'm very nerodivergent (not going to give u my whole diagnosis) if you are in a loop in your dream it's probably because there is a repeating event that leaves you dissatisfied in your life. which is always the case for me since i avoids conflict at all costs and would rather cut off and eat my own toe than tell a friend i have a problem with them. 

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now to the meat of the dream: the plot

DUN DUN DAAAAAAA!!!!

....it's a secret BUT i'll try and explain without key details!

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basically this person i like in my life is dragging me along and i can do nothing to leave their gaze (their spell if u will) and a voice coming from the sky talking about how since no one wants or ever wanted me i should just stay on this leash forver because it's the best i got! after a while of just going in circles i pop out get birthed and my family is ruptured my mother is doomed my father is gone and im left to pick up the pieces till that certain someone comes along shows me just enough love and affection to get me in their grasps and the loop repeats! 

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usually there is no way to stop me from having a nightmare. no matter what i think about no matter how many times i wake up it doesn't matter so my solution last night was to pop a few of my pain meds and wait till i passed out which thankfully worked because i was in hell LOL!

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i would apologize for the lengthy and not very entertaining blog post but tbh i don't care it's my blog and i'm sexy so deal with it 🙄🙄🙄