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04/22/22, 23:28

every now and then, ill go back to bad days. days where no matter how much i slept, im still tired, no matter how much fresh air and water i have, i feel nauseous, no matter how long its been since ive eaten, i have no appetite. today was a no appetite day, throughout the entire day i felt sick. i would smell food being cooked and feel like throwing up. watching my parents eat made me so anxious and i could feel bile rising in my throat. these days tend to be the worst, because i still make myself eat. i force myself to scarf down anything, and to keep it down, and it just makes my stomach hurt. it makes me feel so heavy, like im weighed down my lead, and yet i eat. because you cant do anything but eat.  even when you dont really want to, you will still end up eating, even the tiniest amount, because theres always that bit of your soul forcing you alive. i love that part of life, that fire inside of you that refuses to die out. i think thats what makes us human, that even when we cant bring ourselves to do anything, we still manage to live.


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