abstrates's profile picture

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Category: Life

life happenings #1

nobody is gonna see this, I know that but I'm still doing this because it's a good way to talk about how I feel about things, also cause maybe someone'll see this and have something for their eyeballs to ascertain for a while

this is gonna be a ventish post? idk how to phrase it but there

so, what's been going on? well this last week was less than favorable but it's not my worst week, not much to really say, a couple days ago I needed to abstain myself from social media/the internet for a couple days mainly because I had been going through a lot of stresses recently and I needed to have a few days to myself

i had basically just got done talking to a cousin who had been going through some fucked up shit, and on top of that my girlfriend needed me, and other friends needing my attention and so on so forth, with no time for myself.

my priority was my family first and foremost, I needed to be there for said cousin, after everything was said and done with them I was basically in no condition to be there for anyone else, I was drained. this really was the worst timing imaginable because my girlfriend was having a rough week, I couldn't do anything and I felt every attempt I made to make her feel better either did nothing or made it worse, and as for my friends who needed me I knew they could handle without me.

i tried to do my best to do something to try and help her, I don't truly know if I did anything worth while during that time but I felt I wasn't doing anything, so I told her I'm going offline for a bit, it was apparent to me that I wasn't helping and I accepted that, I accepted that I was in no condition to be there for her right now, it sucks because I know she needs me, and 9 times out of 10 I am usually always there for her to the best of my abilities, but I legit didn't wanna be around anyone or talk to anyone at all

she needed me during this time, I wish I didn't have a shitty draining week myself so I could be there for her, I knew she had friends who could help but I still wished I coulda done something, anyways after that, I turn off notifications for discord and go to sleep, next thing I see when I check my phone is one of her friends who I know for a fact does not like me for whatever fucking reason

she's basically insulting me on one of my ventish tiktoks where I expressed how I felt like a disappointment to everyone I loved, her friend commented something along the lines of "you are". this caused me to go back on discord for a second and tell my girlfriend to get her friend to back off from me, idk how that's going rn but I blocked her friend on most platforms.

after that I went to sleep again and the next day I start to miss her, I basically spent the whole day wondering where she was because my break was over and I wanted her back, I was really worried about why she wasn't talking to me, I figured I did something again and had a panic attack, after that happened I reassessed the situation and assumed she had been busy, then I deleted all my messages cause I didn't want her to come back to our dms full of worried messages.

that's how things are going right now, I managed to message her on here, but she's already went to sleep and I gotta wait till tomorrow, whatever's happening all I know is that I miss her so fucking much and I just wanna talk to her, I'm all better and I need to be here for her right now.

i regret taking a break I should have been there for her, especially now, but I'm better now and I will do that  

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killjoy's profile picture

hi, just here to tell you that someone read this :)

that's sounds very difficult. i know that feeling of pressure and guilt when your friend needs you but you are drained yourself. i think you did the best you could. it might be difficult but sometimes you have to do something for yourself first, so you can be there for others.
after your break, try explaining to your gf what was going on and why you couldn't be there for here as much as usual. and then you can listen to her problems

or something, idk if this makes sense

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thanks for the advice, I appreciate your care

by abstrates; ; Report

no problem! i hope you and your girlfriend feel better

by killjoy; ; Report