daily blogs #6

i get a bit uncomfortable when im so open & expressive about my real thoughts. but im a no one & my words go no where so its fine, maybe itll end up helping me who knows. having inconsistent tendencies is something truly hard to get out of, but im on my sixth blog. so thats new & fun. coming up with revolutionary words is hard right now. todays rainfall has silenced me & all i want to do is not be aware of myself, nonetheless come up with revolutionary words. i want to just live in the outside, enjoying nature & natural occurring things like rain. living life in this society is extremely draining, even to the point where you cant think of relevant words to say. theres a side of me that has nothing to say but theres also so much i can say & would love to just talk about. thats weird & a somewhat foreign concept to me. mostly because i dont want people to perceive me i want them to experience me. & while we're on the topic, i just dont know how to express myself enough for people to want to do more than just have their opinion about me without needing or wanting to know more. i have so many personalities & so much depth to my being. im not just shy or to myself. i am also the opposite like super talkative & somewhat energetic. i havent been able to be a lot of myself though, which is weird to say & honestly a crazy realization now that im putting it to words. im just rambling through a keyboard with too much to say for it to be typed, too drained to think of the correct words & too much in the wrong lifetime to be able to express myself completely.