Not over it

I see them in pictures or in videos where they are being held so lovingly by their significant other and I just feel filled with envy. Granted I had my last kid 6 years ago but I can't remember other than when I finally pushed him out that I felt happy to be pregnant the way I see others be

I know it's so fucking sad but when I think of the two times I was pregnant they were just so lonely. I try so hard to remember the great little humans that came from them but my brain always goes back to when I was sitting around nurturing myself. Not to say my parents and family didn't try to be there but it wasn't really for me and at the time I tried to be good about that

I wish this didn't still effect me so much but I'm learning that maybe I didn't let myself feel it since I was more concerned about trying to be okay for the baby each time.

Jeez getting caught up in old feelings suck