the need to find new things just to cope

i hate myself prolly most of the time and I know whats the reason behind all of this hatred. It's the people around me, they are the most problematic down from the double standard mfs. In household like mine I have this mindset that I have to survive or either I'm going insane, no joke because literally??? my uncle unalive himself because of the ground he is in, but not me bitch not today not next year, I'm gonna traumatize the shit out of em if they fucking try me, I have no figures in my life, basically i learn my own morals on what is right and what is right and they better not compare me to anyone because they don't fucking have influence shit over me. I hate it when i'm told i am just like my father or my mother because  no, they were never gonna be figures in my life, growing up I'm my own person. Imagine the amount of school events that I had to skipped over for the past years because of the requirements, "parents" or "guardians" , nauur I tell you I'm very much aware no one wants to be a figure in my life so most of the time I just said to my teachers I'm living alone.