Polyamorous Frustration

I'm polyam demisexual, feeling lonely while my nesting partner is all NRE with his new GF.

Meanwhile I pine away for a man I've loved for over two decades, and with whom I've had many in depth conversations, and feel very close to. In fact it's hard for either of us to say goodbye when we talk. He's hard to get a read on though - sometimes it seems like he just wants to be friends, but other times it seems like he's flirting, subtly checking out my ass, etc. so that's fun but also confusing.

I'm deeply in love with my friend, he's all through my life, and he's one of the few "places" I feel content and safe. I feel like I'm living my life just out of reach of my soul mate and it really fucking hurts when he goes silent as he does sometimes. I have strong emotions - when I miss him badly I curl up into a painful ball and weep. Missing him physically hurts.

My partner works shifts and spends his well-rested free time with his GF. I get the sleepy/grumpy partner time. It's not satisfying in any sense.

My main love language is physical touch. My partner isn't into touch really much at all, especially not when he's tired and/or grumpy. I don't know how this escaped my notice earlier in our relationship, after NRE faded.

Feeling lonely,sad, unloved