daily blogs #2

i dont always feel alone, most days i feel nothing, like today. all i felt yesterday was an overwhelming cold feeling of hopelessness. today? nothing. like i was completely drained last night of all possible emotion. i could pray to God that i stay like this but why would i ever want to stay like this? i want to know what a good resonance of good feelings feel like. i want to be able to tap into an inner happiness. theres nowhere in my mind where i can get said feeling though. theres nothing in my mind i can tap into. this numbness alongside the loneliness i feel that replaces the numbness (sometimes), rid my mind of all possible recollection of any other emotion ive felt besides these two. im aware enough to know that i have had moments that induce good emotions i just cant recollect them. i cant re-feel them. im not even sure i was able to actually feel good when i was in these moments.