coming of age hurts

i don't like the way i look.

i don't like the way i speak, walk, react to funny jokes or normal conversation, i literally despise the way i just AM, and it's so exhausting.

i thought it would stop someday when i'm older. but i'm already 18 years and 4 months old, and nothing has changed since i woke up and decided to have consciousness and a long term memory.

i genuinely believe that my time on earth is over - yet i cling to the seconds of hope in which life doesn't seem too insufferable.

i need to smoke. i never thought i'd end up being dependent on this bs

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