another night is becoming an overthinker part 9

the website where i keep my blogs is deleted now when I need it, even more, you ignored me again today I don't know why i even care wondering again did you find out i talked to your friend about you even your friend that stood with you acted weird he did say hey but something isn't right maybe its the voices telling me the worst again maybe youre not yourself again because of the drugs maybe it is my fault because i wanted to gossip a lot of maybe's i juse to be happy with you what happened and why for the love of god do i even care but i do i can't help it life was easier with you and now it's hard because of you another night is becoming an overthinker and i wanna hurt myself again that is the truth you're making me insane and it's not fair  so im going to try to see its like a blessing that you're not talking to me a free card of freedom why does it have to be this way and why do i feel guilty when you did me that dirty a scary thought runs trough my mind what if they told you how bad bad you made me  feel you onc told me i we were the same because you also saw things that are not here 

................................................................................................................

why can't i shake this feeling off because i know i wasn't loyal and true but gossiping is so much fun everyone does it but when i do it it is a problem i don't wanna hurt you you were so nice to me i wanna text you and say im sorry for being I don't even know i feel guilty because i don't wanna disappoint you for some reason