my mind runs in circles part 1

-no children, the mountain goats

i hope i cut myself shaving tomorrow

i hope it bleeds all day long

our friends say its darkest before the sun rises

we're pretty sure they're all wrong

i hope it stays dark forever

i hope the worst isn't over

& i hope you blink before i do

& i hope i never get sober

& i hope when you think of me years down the line

you can't find one good thing to say

& i hope that if i found the strength to walk out

you'd stay the hell out of my way

i am drowning

there is no sign of land

you are coming down with me

hand in unlovable hand

& i hope you die

i hope we both die

all of the kids i met on campus

are settled down beside the sea

some days i wish that i could be that

sometimes i forget to spit out the seeds

i'll make it through this is if it kills me

& when it kills me i'll come back

jesus will make me a disciple

or maybe he'll let me be your cat

i wait to be led into temptation

as i lay alone across the street

cathrine is smoking pot above me

watching hellraiser on tv

tomorrow i'm driving to chicago

tonight i am kneeling from the puke

still doing all i can to understand

one more erotic nightmare

about you

take my hands off your neck & 

hold onto the ghost of your body

i know that good lives bad stories

you can text me

when punching mattresses get old

what if it'll always be this way

not comforted by anything you say

we were wrecks before we

crashed into each other

remember the time you drive all night

just to meet me in the morning?

& i thought it was strange

you said everything changes

you felt

as if you'd just woke up

& you said

'this is the first day of my life

i'm glad i didn't die before i met you

but now i don't care

i could go anywhere with you

& i'd probably be happy'

it's no big surprise you turned out this way

when they closed their eyes & prayed you would change

& they cut your hair & sent you away

you stopped by my house the night you escaped

with tears in my eyes i begged you to stay

you said 'hey man, i love you

but no fucking way'

[...] she hoped i'm cursed forever to sleep on a

twin size mattress in

somebody's attic or basement my whole life

never graduating of its size

to add another

& my nightmares will have nightmares every night

every night, every night

so sick of covering up

these blacks & blues & cuts

cuz they're mine

to define

but they don't

because i'm more than your words

i've finally had enough

i'm finally all grown up

but this time

you're all mine

you look scared

because you know i'm a fuck.

i hate everything i do

cuz i learned it from you

i'm your bastard

but i'm not anything like you

cuz i'm fantastic 

but still not worth your time