blog entry 3.5

after blog entry 3 you think i'd be proud of myself.

i feel so deeply unsatisfied with myself. i hate feeling like this but it never stops. 

i mean, that's a lie. 

when i did play, the applause on opening night made me love acting. for maybe an hour or two, i felt so proud. i felt this rush of success after dying in front of the audience. i felt the death of my dissatisfaction too. what grandiose symbolism. i loved it. the gasps and the darkness and the change of scene. i loved it. 

i feel everything, even nothing.