self un-emprovement

cw: mental illness

i think i'm reverting back to my grade 9 self. i'm listening to the same alternative music, not showering for days on end, i never leave the house and i'm staying up until 5am and only waking up around 2pm. i went through a pretty bad depressive stage back when i was 15 and now, 5 years later, i'm going through the same phase all over again.

anyways, i think its just really interesting how, as soon as i start feeling icky, i immediately turn the the things that brought my comfort in the beginning. i mean, i'm sure thats how it would be with a lot of people but, i gained a lot of confidence and changed so much since i was 15 and now the social anxiety and self loathing are back like they never left. i'm hoping once i leave for college my mental health will improve. on the upside, i'm really enjoying listening to my favourite bands again. i'm finding a lot of comfort in paramore, nirvana, pierce the veil, sleeping with sirens, mcr, bvb, patd!, etc... i forgot how much i enjoy this music!

p.s. don't take this too seriously, my mental state isn't the best but i think i'm doing pretty okay regardless. iv'e been handling it well :)

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