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I saw you today you looked adorable with your glasses you didn't even look at me acting like I wasn't it's okay I'm used to it by now I feel like I'm finally getting over you and now you're getting hotter how is that fair I guess life is not fair at all cus it only feels like I'm acting like I'm over you when I know if you would text me to meet up I won't say no cus I don't wanna say no cus I'm afraid there won't be a second time you would ask I feel like I'm obsessed with you its an addiction that you're not feeding anymore so I'm in my rehab time I keep a list in my notation when I think about you so I can keep track of how many times I thought about you I had a good conversation with a friend about how I feel sometimes I feel like I could be better obsessed with him cus I know he would treat me right I told him about the voices he said it was all in my head which is true and everything that you feel is not real only fiscal pain is real you just need to turn it off I did that before but feeling nothing is not a great feeling either the pain is what keeps me going unless last week when it was too much and the voices became stronger
i downloaded the app wink cus i know that you are on it hoping that it wil make you think about me when you see my account youre probably gonne think im pathetic and looking for attention from boys but in reallity i only did it to find you i really hope youre friend doesnt get started to like me how am i going to tell him that im in love with his best friend i really hope he isnt going to hate me after im going to the gym next week with his friends that you all cut off i mean why would he be but the voices are telling me he is going to if i go i sound fucking crazy but its true they tell me the worst things so i expect the worst maybe now that i now it could be voices i now its not reall i thought it juse to be a safety habbet you know dissapoint yourself first so that you already whent to the pain i hope therapy is going to help i wanne talk about it but my mom says people dont need to know everything i mean she is right but still i dont wanne look like i didnt try too look for help or ask when im gone im scared to tell my mom everything about the voices when they tell to stab myself or kill myself everyday i never told anyone that except one person today i dont want them to think i need help when i know i do that but they dont need to know i just dont wanne be like my dad
i wish my dad knew how much i needed a dad growing up i cant believe he juse to say to my mom that he will change why werent we enough i want a hugh from my dad when im sad i wished he changed became a better men not only for society it self but for me and my little brothers
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