why am i here

why am i here
to suffer in pain & agony
forever
no breaks
just the people watching as my pale white body shakes
tears fall down my porcelain cheek
a little tearing doll is being struck in half by the thunder of debilitating melancholy
i keep trying to hear the music
i keep trying to heal the little kid who wants to quit existence
i laugh everything out
hide behind a little delicate smile
as my heart keeps slowly disappearing
beat by beat
i get smaller
thinner
less of a person
the life in me slowly fades away
& there`s  no much more to say
just that i`m sick of living in doubt & disarray
& i`m sick of pretending
& lying
just
to
live
& perhaps
someday
somehow
be okay