sad sick sad sad sad

I’m sad and scared and in pain about the passage of time. I feel like a dirty old stuffed animal, squeezed and squeezed out of shape. My chest hurts. I want to cry all the time but usually don't.

I went through a similar period of out of place grief the summer I graduated from high school, staying up until dawn pacing my room and crying for hours. As I enter the last years of my twenties, this feeling seems to have returned.

I feel old and broken down and out of place and small and young and afraid. I miss the way my life used to be but I don't know how to rebuild that feeling.

I have always been childish and felt behind my peers developmentally. I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to be an adult on my own. I've had no success of any kind. I'm a miserable failure.

There are no grades to measure me anymore and no one is going to mark the wall or give me a sticker when I do something right.

Getting back to my old weight just made me miserable. I feel nauseated most of the time and have been getting car sick like I used to. I wish I could go back to normal.

My mom is getting worse and worse and I don't know what to do about that and it's too scary to deal with.

I don't want it to be 2021. I want to wake up 10 years ago and get a second chance.

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