I've been discovering something about me lately that I thought was just a phase. Let me take you back to high school for some context. In high school I really like this guy and as I'm typing this, I realize this is the first time I've ever told someone. Congrats reader, you know something my wife doesn't. Anyway.. I was always too scared to say something then it became too late. Like a year later I was working at McDicks and one of my coworkers there actually asked me out in the walk in. Somehow without a though I told him yes. Even though there was rumors being spread about me and him and me being bullied by people for being "Gay" I was happy. Had to lie to my parents of course lol. Then his ex made him choose between him or me, he chose him. I never felt anything for a male since.
BUT RECENTLY!
Recently one of my friends has been making me question things. He makes me feel all weird tbh. It's all confusing though because I'm still sexually attracted to my wife and I'll find other women hot too, but today at the city pool and I saw an old friend and was like that dudes hot. I'm not really sure about what's going on with me like if I was bi or something wouldn't I have noticed a long time ago? Why now too, why after I'm married and have a kid?
I kinda know the feeling. You can phrase it however you want - heteroflexible, bi, anything that feels like it fits. I'm bi af, but never really explored it much, and am married to a cis man. As long as you accept and love yourself, not sure it really matters what 'label' you claim, if any. We're smack in the middle of Pride Month, though, so if you do decide to call yourself part of the family, I'll welcome you with open arms.
It could be a lot of things. First, sexuallity can be fluid and change over time. So, you may feel now attracted to people you wouldn't like years ago, and vice versa. Also, society think of us as straight, all the time. It keeps repeting over and over again that the common, the normal thing is to be straight and to have a straight relationship. So much that we forget we are more complex than that. Something similar of your story happened to me: I had something almost meaningless with a girl when I was in college, and then started a stable relationship with a guy. I was so focused on "I like him" that I forgot I could be attracked to more people than him. A few years later I met a girl I liked a lot and had a medium crisis. If I was attracked to guys, why did I like her? What did that mean? It means whatever you want. Do you like the definition of bisexual? Own it. Not sure, and you identify the most with heteroflexible? Go for it. Is it all too much and the easiest answer is straightBUT-? It's fine. My advice, after these years is: research. If you want to think about it, look for bisexual representation in movies, series and books. Read the manifest, too, maybe it's helpful. But also, don't feel pressured to align with any tag. Tags are made to make things easier; if they make you uncomfortable or you think you don't fit, don't worry. You are you and that's what really matters :)
it is possible that you may be heteroflexible (mostly straight)? sexuality is mostly like a spectrum, like bisexuality (which, i guess homo/heteroflexible technically falls under bisexuality). some heteroflexibles may only have feelings for one person of the same sex once in their life time.
I don't even know. I can't talk to my family about it and my friends would just give me shit.. It's just confusing and I feel like I have no one I could go to about it. Like when I mentioned the friend that makes me just feel weird, I actually like him. He's funny, smart, super kind, and I he completely makes me question myself at times. So I don't think I've only felt something for someone the same sex once, as I said I dated a male before too. I believe I may be experiencing feelings again though, but I'm happy in my marriage too though and I just don't know what to do..
yeah, i can understand why it's hard and i honestly feel for bisexual men who aren't out yet. it's much more socially acceptable to be a bisexual woman versus being a bisexual man. honestly, you could just be really fond of your friend, and it's totally okay to question your sexuality, and if you do decide that you're bisexual then that's fine too. it's no one's business but your wife's, honestly. it's perfectly fine to find other guys attractive even if you're happy in your relationship, you don't need to do anything! my boyfriend and i are both bisexual, so i guess that just works out lol
i'd just explain to her that you're not completely sure about your sexuality yet and that your feelings haven't changed for her at all. i think a lot of reassurance would help her, or maybe ask her something like "what if i was bisexual, would you still love me?" and see how she reacts. regardless, i'm sure that it'll be a little hard to accept at first (or maybe she just doesn't car3e), but hopefully she'll realize that it doesn't change who you are. you can also explain that you've only had feelings for a man once in your life and that you find them attractive once in a while. you've got this! :)
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Ms. LC Webs
I kinda know the feeling. You can phrase it however you want - heteroflexible, bi, anything that feels like it fits. I'm bi af, but never really explored it much, and am married to a cis man. As long as you accept and love yourself, not sure it really matters what 'label' you claim, if any. We're smack in the middle of Pride Month, though, so if you do decide to call yourself part of the family, I'll welcome you with open arms.
Oh, also, I didn't start questioning til I was 22. I know people who didn't 'til they were into their 40s, honestly.
by Ms. LC Webs; ; Report
Anxo
It could be a lot of things. First, sexuallity can be fluid and change over time. So, you may feel now attracted to people you wouldn't like years ago, and vice versa.
Also, society think of us as straight, all the time. It keeps repeting over and over again that the common, the normal thing is to be straight and to have a straight relationship. So much that we forget we are more complex than that.
Something similar of your story happened to me: I had something almost meaningless with a girl when I was in college, and then started a stable relationship with a guy. I was so focused on "I like him" that I forgot I could be attracked to more people than him. A few years later I met a girl I liked a lot and had a medium crisis. If I was attracked to guys, why did I like her? What did that mean?
It means whatever you want. Do you like the definition of bisexual? Own it. Not sure, and you identify the most with heteroflexible? Go for it. Is it all too much and the easiest answer is straightBUT-? It's fine.
My advice, after these years is: research. If you want to think about it, look for bisexual representation in movies, series and books. Read the manifest, too, maybe it's helpful. But also, don't feel pressured to align with any tag. Tags are made to make things easier; if they make you uncomfortable or you think you don't fit, don't worry. You are you and that's what really matters :)
amma
it is possible that you may be heteroflexible (mostly straight)? sexuality is mostly like a spectrum, like bisexuality (which, i guess homo/heteroflexible technically falls under bisexuality). some heteroflexibles may only have feelings for one person of the same sex once in their life time.
I don't even know. I can't talk to my family about it and my friends would just give me shit.. It's just confusing and I feel like I have no one I could go to about it. Like when I mentioned the friend that makes me just feel weird, I actually like him. He's funny, smart, super kind, and I he completely makes me question myself at times. So I don't think I've only felt something for someone the same sex once, as I said I dated a male before too. I believe I may be experiencing feelings again though, but I'm happy in my marriage too though and I just don't know what to do..
by DΛVΣ⚗️; ; Report
yeah, i can understand why it's hard and i honestly feel for bisexual men who aren't out yet. it's much more socially acceptable to be a bisexual woman versus being a bisexual man. honestly, you could just be really fond of your friend, and it's totally okay to question your sexuality, and if you do decide that you're bisexual then that's fine too. it's no one's business but your wife's, honestly. it's perfectly fine to find other guys attractive even if you're happy in your relationship, you don't need to do anything! my boyfriend and i are both bisexual, so i guess that just works out lol
by amma; ; Report
What if that changes how she feels about me though.. I'm scared of losing her because I don't know who I am.
by DΛVΣ⚗️; ; Report
i'd just explain to her that you're not completely sure about your sexuality yet and that your feelings haven't changed for her at all. i think a lot of reassurance would help her, or maybe ask her something like "what if i was bisexual, would you still love me?" and see how she reacts. regardless, i'm sure that it'll be a little hard to accept at first (or maybe she just doesn't car3e), but hopefully she'll realize that it doesn't change who you are. you can also explain that you've only had feelings for a man once in your life and that you find them attractive once in a while. you've got this! :)
by amma; ; Report
Thank you, it was really nice to talk to someone about this.
by DΛVΣ⚗️; ; Report
of course, my ims are always open if you need someone to listen or if you wanna update me about your situation.
by amma; ; Report
I'll keep that in mind. Have a good night, Blessed be!
by DΛVΣ⚗️; ; Report
likewise :)
by amma; ; Report