I don't know who I am or what to do with myself

I feel like I'm always pretending. I can't stand who I've become, and I don't even know who I am. I feel like I'm stuck trying to be everything everyone else wants me to be, I feel like I'm just a doll. I'm only alive to be pretty, yet I feel horrible. I can't even look in the mirror in public, because I know if I see one fault I will fucking have a meltdown!!! I get called a fucking narcissist for constantly looking at my phones reflection and looking at myself from a distance... I just want to be perfect! If I'm not perfect, if I'm not pretty nobody cares about me! Nobody in my life would have tried to form a connection with me if I wasn't pretty and I hate it!!! Why does nobody see me as a person, why does nobody care about me? All I'll ever be is a fucking sex toy people just want to grab, and it's always been that way. From the start I was born to be seen as a fucking object. I didn't ask to be 7 years old being fucking groped on a coach by a 60 year old man. I didn't ask for all the attention I receive, I never wanted to get groomed by multiple men, or sexually assaulted by assholes I go to school with, I never asked for guys to easily fall for me. Women call me a man stealer for simply existing. I just want to be loved for me and not for this fucking image I'm faking! I don't even know who I am anymore. I love the validation of others, but I hate how I'm just a pretty face. I want all the love I can get my hands on, but I also want something pure and sweet to hold. I just want to be seen.