March 17th

March 17th, St. Patrick's Day. A special day in itself because of st. patty's, and I'm half Irish so I understand how serious it can get, but its been ruined for me. March 17th now will always be my child's "birthday'' and I don't know how to cope with that. It's been almost two years, she would have been 1 year old today. To think that in another life I would have been planning a birthday party for some snot nosed kid to not even remember, but i would. I think about you everyday Angel, I think about what you would have looked like, what things you'd like, what you'd smell like. I try and see you in my dreams, but by the time I realise whats going on I wake up, and I can't see you anymore. I miss you, and some people may say its weird to miss someone you barely knew, but i knew you more than I knew me, cause you were mine. I could feel you becoming inside me. I even still swear I can feel you. I'll never understand why and that's why I'll never heal from this. I'm trying to be happy and live life for you, but it's hard when you were the one thing that gave me life. I needed you, but you didn't need me, not yet anyways. We will meet again, in this life or another. I will remember you always and love you forever because I am your mother.