sleepy times and meds talk

So. Ive been taking meds for about 3 years now. Ive been on dozens of brands, had 4 different therapists, and met my newest Psychiatrist. Ive met specialists, got diagnosises, worked hard on myself. Most of this is do to my thankfully careful and worried parents, and the fact that my dad’s a doc and mom super advocated for me. It was a long and arduous journey that I’m still trekking down, but ive made a lot of progress. Progress is tiring. Its hard work mentally, and with my ADHD and Anxiety and how they personally present symptoms, my brain is constantly running in the background whether i want it to or not. Its. itsa struggle. Its stupid spooky, hard work, terrifying. Im not the kind of person who when he knows the risks to be unaware or deny them as a cope. Im the kind of person who is scared, but does it anyways because I have supports that I trust, i know the risks and am aware and working on it, and I also really care about feelinf better even when I didnt think I could. After 3 years, working on myself through a pandemic, and honestly after 6 years of chronic depression since I was 9, I have found a bit of happyness again. I’m not cured. Im still unhappy all the time, and my brain still bullies me and tels me im worthless and its not working and i hurt everyone around me and what I do isnt perfect. However, I found hope. I found a light in my darkness. I found some friends, and even tho I dont hang with them as much as I should I learned to start trying cuz that makes me happy. I found something that gave me a smidgen of happyness, and i learned to pursue it. I learned that I do care about my grades outside of my own expectations and my parents ones, and that when I pull up my grades I want it to be because I like good grades and not because I feel like I have to. I like looking handsome and wearing nice clothing because I want to, not wearinf baggy clothing and sweats becuz its easy even tho I didnt like how I looked. I like getting cleaned up and taking care of my hygiene even when I dont feel like it cuz after I look atyself and say damn, i look great! instead of feelinf shitty I dont clean myself enough. I like working out and trying to get healthy, not because i have poor body image, but because I actually WANT to look and feel healthy now! i guess my point is, I found out things that I wanted, and now when i pursue things that felt like a responcibility only, they feel more exciting and beneficial to improve and build on. 

Fuck, i wanted to talk about meds! i have so much to say. Later today im planning on writing a post on Poly and my love life and multiple interests, no spoilers butif thays your jam and uou dont get insulted by my objective rants that arnt judgemental whatsoever than tune in later today!