Declining, crying, and watching my world burn. This is very rambley so strap in.

I love Max. More than anything. I miss him all the time. Last night we spent a long while together, since we couldn't on Valentine's. I don't want to wait so long just to be in his arms, but I'm sure that it'll be so worth it. At least he's here for me. Doesn't feel like anyone else is. But i'm always so scared of losing him, just like how I lose everyone else. Hell, I feel like I'm losing my own mother. It hurts. If I lose my relationship with her than I don't have any family left for miles. I know that my father would be more than happy to take me, but I don't want to see him anytime soon. He had his chance. He's had so many chances. Whatever. I'll get to see my sisters this weekend. That'll be nice. I hate myself. I'm always so scared of messing everything up. I don't want to mess it up. I want to be with Max. I want to experience everything with Max. I love him so much. From the view of my stupid fucking brain I want to spend my life with him. I'm just so scared of losing him. And I know that it is very unlikely that i will, but my conscious just pokes and pokes at the thought and it scares me. This relationship feels like it actually means something, For once.
Things that happen with him feel so important. 

Oh boy. Not my longest post for sure but I can't think of much more to talk about. Well I can, it's just hard to formulate into words and what I can make into words would just be repeating myself, over and over.