Night of February 10th, 2022
This is titled back from the dead but who knows how long or how well that will last. This site is just another reminder of how uninteresting and uninspired I am. Dont get me wrong, I like the site but it relies on original posts and frequent discussion and that's just not a strong suit of mine. But also this is just another example of my desire to be Special when really I need to be accepting that I dont need to be known to be worthy. Part of the reason I haven't done one of these in awhile is, I got sleeping medication. However, I'm out and haven't been able to get a refill.
Anyway I cant sleep. I keep ruminating on ways that I've fucked up and the careless, thoughtless ways I interact with the world and people in my life. I hate it, I hate myself for the things I've done and the people I've hurt. I cant ever fix what I've done, all I can do is accept it, try to forgive myself, and do better. Easier said than done. I'm making some progress, I'm in DBT and learning, currently, about interpersonal effectiveness. I still have a lot to learn though.
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