love advice for a 12 y.o.

i have a cousin who lives in hawaii, and I dont get to see her often. she’s a little younger than me, maybe three years or so. At her age, she’s beginning to see the dating scene; not joining it yet, but noticing it in friend groups. honestly, I dont think dating is a good idea for tweens and young teens (myself included); we have a lot of shit and self discovery on our plate, and dating makes it more complicated. but hey, who am I to judge, she gets to make her choices and learn as it goes.

So she has this crush on a guy she likes, and its borderline stalker stuff. she always thinks about him, has a mental persona or something on him, and desperately pines for him while staring at him from across a room. She has a bad case of terminal awkwardness, so shes also constantly talking about him and making herself uncomfortable.

I’m the kinda guy who likes to give advice, and i think about stuff in metaphors and analogies. So when i heard this, i tried to explain my thoughts in a new way. thats the exposition, heres the advice/analogy for real: 

When you like someone or have a crush, that like picking up a heart. not a human heart or anything, like a cartoony large red heart. that heart symbolizes your feelings and affections. whenever you think about the person or have moments of longing and fixation, you give the heart a hug. Hugging the heart is nice, feels good, for the most part. This isn’t innately bad, but sometimes its not a good idea to hug the heart cuz hugging it hurts or isn’t comfortable.

if a person’s crush turns to hate or loathing, they and attack the heart. specifically, if a person is trying to violently cut off feelings of their heart or attempt to mentally degrade their feelings, their stabbing the heart. now, although their heart might hurt to hug, stabbing isn’t always the best answer either. Its satisfying sometimes, but more often than not you’ll end up even sadder and feeling hurt, and you could hurt the heart so much that you cant ever hug it again. 

Sometimes, usually inevitably, you’ll come across a heart that wont be healthy to hug. If your lucky, you might end up not picking it up. Its not innately wrong not to pick it up, thats fine and some people choose to or dont want to. if the heart doesnt call to you or isnt there, it isnt yours and you dont need to touch it. but if it does and you end up picking it up, well now you own it and need to remember that. sometimes we’re so  busy with other parts of our life we are not mindful of hugging the heart, and it never hurts to be aware and reflect.

Sometimes if the heart hurts to hug, others will notice. Often times a friend might ask you if that heart is yours and if you hug it and how long and such and such, because people are fascinated with hearts and hugging them and its exciting and interesting for the most part. Hell, i find it interesting to a degree, which is why im ranting rn lmao. anyways, if a good friend notices hugging a heart doesnt feel good, they probably will tell you to stop hugging it. this is where it gets interesting. Friends have about three different dispositions to hearts. Indifference; ie they dont care or mind your hugging the heart, and probably dont want anything to do with that. Appreciation; ie their fascinated or like you hugging that heart, and will tell you or imply to keep doing so. Finally, Dislike; ie they probably notice the heart hugging aint workinng out or they have ulterior motives, and tell you to stab the heart.

Often times people who are open about hugging hearts hear a cacophany of cheers “kill kill the heart!!” “no no hug the heart moree hug it moreee!’” “blood! kill it!” “hug it harder!!”. It can be overwhelming and cpnfusing, especially when you are starting out and dont have much experience hugging hearts. When it is important to stop hugging the heart, sometimes its hard not to listen to these voices and get distracted.

To let go of the heart successfully and safely, you have to slowly stop hugging it. hug it a lot, very much, for a while, and then begin to hug it less and less. eventually, you’ll get much more comfortable, and depend on it less. when you are ready to say goodbye, you can give it one more hug. then, drop it carefully, and book it. Sprint out of there if you can. After a bit of time, look back behind you. If its staying where it is, great! you’ve successfully dropped a bad heart. If its chasing you, keep running from it until you arnt being chased. In either case, you might be tempted to stab it and end it all for good, but i’ll get to why thats bad in a moment. Try not to damage it, just to let it go. The buildup is gradual, but the moment of truth should be spontanious and all at once.

Part of why you shouldnt damage it is maybe youll want to hug it later. people change, and so do their hearts. You are the one who will ultimately decide if a heart hurts or not, and if you ever go back to it, try to remember that you can always leave it again if you want. its hard and challenging and rough and disapoimtmg, but this has worked for me and others and hopefully might work for you dear reader.

if youve read to this, youve finished my rant and prolly wasted 15 min of your life. thanks for reading, and hopefully your hearts are happy to hug and easy to not :)