RANTS

I think I'm just weak spirited or maybe is just the shadows talking, I just feel like every time I want to start something and get back on my stage I slip and fall back down on to the cold concrete floor. I feel like I can't do anything good for anyone or myself. I dont have a job. I cant drive, I'm not in college, and I just laze around because I just lost motivation to do anything productive. Everyone else I know that's my age already do all that I cant and I'm not doing. I feel like a lost child, I hate this feeling. I hate feeling useless, it's the only thing I actually hate. Oh one other thing, no matter how much I fantasize of falling in love with a great guy I'm actually afraid of loving someone, because I still cling to a foolish hope for my childhood crush to realize they like me too. It's a foolish feeling to cling on to, because I clearly know he doesn't feel anything for me, he just like the attention i give him and he's entertained with playing with my feelings. I tired, so tired.