Today's Nostalgia: the Theoretical Concept of ""HOME""

I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go

I have a contentious relationship with the idea of staying places. I want to run away all the time, even if I'm an adult and running away is for kids. I think the closest a place has felt like home to me was the dorms at college or maybe the painted concrete balcony where I would sit in my apartment complex back in Texas. Or my sister's back room, when she used to have a mattress on the floor surrounded by various tools and cords. I don't know if anywhere I've lived with my mom could be a home because I always felt trapped. I don't know if my secret base is a home either, because it feels like a place for me to eschew growth. I feel like another item in storage here in this hoarder's kingdom, waiting for the day someone finds me, grimaces, and then I'm landfill-bound.

But I guess I'm always thinking "I want to go home" anyway.

It's a more theoretical concept of home. A series of moments I wish weren't over. Watching TV with my mom before she started spewing dumbass fox news talking points constantly. When she'd tell jokes or take us bowling for no reason (except maybe she was bored too). Getting late night food with my friends. Seeing an episode of Gravity Falls for the first time and being so excited. Sitting in the back of a car while it idles, feeling the air conditioning and hearing the crickets outside, door cracked open but I don't want to leave yet. Almost losing my voice talking all night at the talent show, at sci-fi club, at home. The crunch of gravel as I walk to the checkered floor bathroom at the drive in. Driving and driving and driving to every stupid place we can think of.

I don't want these moments to be over, even if they were bad. I don't want being young to be over, because I'm afraid there'll be no magic anymore. The door is open and my foot is on the asphalt and-

I don't want to leave yet. I want to be out all night even if most nightlife bores or overwhelms me. I want to walk under the power lines on a summer night and talk to you.

I want to go home.