Drag Path, grieving you, still

When I die, if there is an afterlife, I know I won't see you run towards me.

Because you were never the enthusiastic, domesticated kind.

I may not see you at all, until night when you'll claim the spot that's always been yours,

Against my head. Burying my face in your fur, your purrs a lullaby.

It's been two months and two weeks, autumn is setting in. My first one without you. Like last year, I'm taking long in the bathroom because I don't want to get out of the warmth of the water. Except this year, you won't call for me from the bed.

Once I meet you up there, I wonder who will find the other one first.

I'll be looking for you, of that I'm sure. Will you?

I've started volunteering at my local concert hall. I would've have done so before, I'm not sure why I do it. Music doesn't play such an important part since you've been gone. Bartending is hell, I really don't know why I find it fun. Maybe I'm still trying to pretend nothing's wrong while acting like it's no longer the same.

Time has started flowing again for me, ever so slowly.

You took with you much more than I initially thought,

But I think I'm alright with that now, since you also left me with pieces of you

Although they're still sore spots for now.

I've started working on my worldbuilding again, I stay on calls for hours again and my bed remains empty. I miss you. I wish I had spent more time with you. I went to a cat coffee the other day, a cat came and laid on my lap, purring so strongly. I think that's when I realized how unique you were, in comparison. You would've never done that. You would've never let me pet you like I do the other cats I see. You were special, micro-dosing pets and head scratches. I miss you. I hope you don't resent me and that you'll wait for me. I still got a lot of time left, I hope you don't have to worry about being hungry, wherever you are. I hope someone puts the radio on for you and doesn't come home too late. Life is getting more and more uncertain, I'm growing worried and trying to ignore it, so I just kinda wish you were still there.

Your absence hurts but I hope this grief never leaves. You gave me so much, the least I could do is accept your final gift, absence. You mattered so much, you're still so dear to me (you're still my lock screen picture), I'll learn to live with that pain.

My Fifi, I love you, forever. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. Thank you for being a part of mine. I hope we meet again.