from september to september

a few days ago i had a bit of a tiring day at work. nothing too deep, just got overloaded and needed somewhere to rest. these things happen.

so i decided that instead of going to uni, id go to a museum right near my work which is one of the most beautiful points of my city (Museu do Amanhã - Rio de Janeiro) and i managed to see the sunset while sitting down, looking at how the sea would reflect the sun's light.

and god, it was beautiful. it kinda healed me in a way. 

and then i started reflecting. it's september.

Sunset at Museu do Amanhã (while theres brazilian funk at the background lol)

september 2025 was, for me, the moment my life started going downhill.

rumination was taking over my mind with a lotta parallel situations and it felt like things just got worse, and worse, and worse. as it wasn't enough to be completely limerent for someone i shouldn't feel like that, 2026 started with me deviating from my old friend group because of internal situations.

then, a lot of thoughts come into mind. there's work, there's uni. i wasn't online yet most of my friends were online. whenever i got the opportunity id go on a voice chat or would listen to someone else's vent every day, which made me absorb so much more negativity.

i was having a literal existential crisis. i was getting overloaded with work, too many things to do at uni, personal life being completely chaotic, having to manage online friendships while being busy with irl stuff. it was a genuine mess. genuienly.

however if there's one thing i strongly believe is that there are some things that only time can heal. i've got a promotion at work, which kinda made me feel even more overloaded but has given me some nice knowledge over how should i dress and act under pressure, uni lately has been less demanding and i've managed to remove the friendships that were making me feel worse out. not in the sense of "you're a dickhead and you ruined my life" but in the sense of "i really care about you but i think the circumstances i am dealing with right now makes it impossible for me to maintain this".

i stopped making edits for a while because i don't really have anything to express. this might sound monotone, but i'm just not used to the peace of "nothing's really happening right now". /pos

things... calmed down. i feel like i have been taking my own decisions a bit more wisely and i feel like i'm choosing what should i do, taking more risks and losing things if i have to. i'm actually having to manage my money now that i'm earning more money and this month i managed to get sooo much more financially stable. gosh that felt great.

i bought a 3ds 2 months ago, which was my dream console ever since i was 16 and i carry it everywhere... i'm keeping only the friends that i really care for, i'm setting boundaries, i'm taking care of my money, i'm paying house bills to help my mom, i'm trying to sleep earlier...

i feel like ever since september 2025, i became a completely different person from back then.

like i said, there's some things only time can heal.

everything will be fine. just trust the process and don't stay still

Sunset recorded directly from the 3DS camera