every color on the color wheel

look ive just gotten so lost in the object that i wouldnt be able to live anymore without the books or music or trying to think but its not like ive reached to where i cant think competently or play music competently. and nobody loves that type of bad that isnt bad in an interesting way and people usually come to see that they r nothing but themselves outside of any metric they r the birds that dont learn to fly or fall to death by failing to they just stay in the nest. obviously talent is needed that we would retroactively say that he had always had the potential to but there r more who seem nascent who dont die at birth but shortly after. maybe a person who doesnt achieve anything only feels free in group identity an apparition or as a deserter having been THAT person with THAT name experiencing THAT. every metric will pull u back in to the feeling of lowliness the anonymous masses breeding and dying pullulating and drowning in the heat of their bodies rubbing against one another. what will we die of first? hunger or the heat produced from one another?