insane or seeking escape

i need to get fucked up. i need to disappear and not come back, worry about the consequences later. i want to disappear and not be missed. i don't want to turn back and regret anything, but i don't want to mis out either.

i need security and yet constantly find ways to avoid it, distance myself from settling down somewhere for too long.

i want out of my own skin. i want to go and not acknowledge time. i don't need to know where i'm going, as long as its far from here. let me run away, disappear, go missing.

i want to get so fucked up i forget time, and everything that comes with its passage. i want to forget who i am. reinvent a life i could have had. live a life so dissimilar to my own it becomes my new reality. run from everything for so long that when i make up a 'new' me, it'll stop being acting.

i wont miss anyone. i have no connections keeping me here, i want to live in a dream.

but this is not that dream. 

this is the nightmare we live, hidden and constant- reminders of the night terrors linger in the corners of our eyes, never forgotten. 

get me so fucked up i become a new person, or die and get reborn into something free from hell.

deathbecomeshim.

if i disappear don't miss me. i don't want to remember you.

let the news wonder where i went, i'll outrun the wind. i'll be gone from your sight before you realise it, and out of your mind before the memories catch up.

forget me. 

forget me, you'll be happier.